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Gay men who can’t say the ‘L’ word

We look at each other, and our hearts melt. We accidentally touch fingers, and we get tears in our eyes. But when it comes to the L word, why can’t some guys say ‘I Love You’?

 

 

Hey, Daddy!

My boyfriend is getting too close for comfort. He leaves things at my house. He wants to introduce me to his mom. I want to bolt.

 

Why do guys do this when things are great as is?

Playing House Only Brings Imminent Conclusion

 

Dear PHOBIC:

Your guard against being hurt in the future is hurting you in the present.

 

None of your boyfriend’s actions constitutes a lifetime obligation. Stick around long enough to discover what’s next. Progress comes from outside your comfort zone.

 

 

Hey, Daddy!

I’ve been partnered for 17 years and married for 10. Well, married in Georgia for two, but you get the point.

 

Somewhere along year seven, the thrill was gone. We love each other, but the romance left the building.

 

About that time, I got out of my car and met the love of my life. We had a passionate month or so, but my marriage and his wife made us end it. We see each other once a year, but as I near the big 5-0, I wonder if I set what really mattered aside for what is safe.

Still I Lament Love Yearly

 

Dear SILLY:

Romance isn’t the fire; it’s the spark. Blame evolution. That passionate feeling that entirely preoccupies you early on serves a psychological and sociological purpose. It draws people together so powerfully that they do not see each other accurately. You’re blind to faults and rush headlong into a relationship that sustains a social construct that we need as individuals and as a society.

 

Romance, on the other hand, is perpetuated by absence. You and your paramour extended the separation and therefore the fantasy. After romance comes a different kind of bonding that you have with your husband, and it’s no less powerful and compelling.

 

The lasting bond is more rare and precious than the romantic kind. People fall in love all the time, but they don’t fall into couples that last for years. Staying together takes a special set of circumstances and feelings that allow you to continue as part of each other’s lives. My guess is that deep down you know this already, and that you and your annual fling made your decisions based on it a long time ago.

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