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Hey, Daddy! Don’t feed the fears

Fear of the unknown, of growing up, of what others think? Daddy has the cure for gay men held back by fear.

 

Hey, Daddy!

Bondage porn is hot, but I’ve only had vanilla sex. When I cum, what’s going on in my head is way different than what’s going on in the bed.

 

I’m afraid to try BDSM. The fetish guys I see at Pride fuel my fantasies, but also my fears. They’re intimidating. I’m also afraid of being seen as a freak. People ridicule fetishists behind their backs, and I’m afraid of being lumped in with them.

 

Should I try it?

Always Fearful, Reticent And In Denial

 

Dear AFRAID:

Fears get a bad rap. They’re not all created equally. Natural “fight or flight” responses kick in as a warning to evaluate your situation.

 

The problem comes if you stop there. If you accept fear as a reason to avoid circumstances without assessing and making an informed decision, you’re stuck.

 

BDSM wants to use fear to your sexual advantage. Turned on and intimidated at the same time? That’s the point. Adrenaline pumps, you’re short of breath, and your sweet relief comes from giving in. You owe it to yourself to try it.

 

A whole community of people can teach you about passion via consent and trust. Forget naysayers who use their own fears to ostracize people they don’t understand. Stop making life decisions based on what others might think.

 

 

Hey, Daddy!

I’m 42, and I’m still going to the same bars and restaurants, and running into the same men, from 10 years ago. It’s OK, but is that all there is? This isn’t where I saw myself going.

Sense That’s Unfulfilled Can’t Kick

 

Dear STUCK:

Many guys in their 40s take stock in life and come up wanting more. Welcome to midlife and its infamous “crisis.” But it’s more like an opportunity.

 

Life’s proverbial halfway mark is a chance to identify and face down fears – of the unknown, of failure, and yes of success – that have held you back.

 

What choices would you have made if you had not been afraid? What would you do if you could not fail? Is failing worse than not trying? Use the answers to define your next chapter.

 

You can’t change the past or predict the future. You can act boldly and land in places that make you glad you did.

 

 

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