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Hey, Daddy! Sick of My Secrets

Lies of omission about who you’re bedding, who you’re flirting with? Who you keep it from matters, because the one being fooled is you.

Hey, Daddy!
I broke up with my ex about a month ago and started hooking up with his best friend. We’re having a good time, but we’re keeping it hush-hush for obvious reasons.

We want to stay friends with my ex, but we’re afraid if he finds out, we could both lose him forever. He might think we were both interested all along, and I swear that’s not why I broke up with him. He’s a good guy and doesn’t deserve the drama. What should we do?
Doesn’t Undo My Breakup

Dear DUMB:
So you’re sleeping with your ex’s bestie, and you’re hiding it to keep a lid on drama? No. It’s to save you from dealing with it and letting the drama stew.

You can decide that some temporary fun isn’t worth your friendships, or choose to give it a go for a possible future together. What you can’t do is to keep it quiet. Tell your ex before he finds out on his own, which he will.

You might lose the friend, but it’s his call, not yours. You might also gain some personal integrity.

Hey, Daddy!
I’m in a monogamous relationship, but I find myself downloading Grindr and chatting up strangers.

My profile says I’m just interested in friends, but sometimes I exchange pics or let conversations go over the line.

I would never cheat, but a friend says what I’m already doing is cheating. I say it’s just fantasy. Who’s right?
Can Harmless Easy App Turn Risky?

It’s not what you’re doing. It’s how it makes you feel. On their own, hookup apps are innocuous. Trouble comes if you break your own rules, wonder out loud about it with others, or keep secrets from your partner. You’ve done all three.

Instead of airing your dirty laundry with friends, have an honest conversation with the person who needs to know: your partner. Does your relationship agreement need adjusting? Would certain changes eliminate your urge for the app? Does either of you mind if the other cruises Grindr?

Solve those, and I won’t make you answer how you “find yourself” on Grindr, like you just woke up and Mr. Hyde had taken over your body.

Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, mike@davidatlanta.com, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line.  Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.

1 Comment

    1. Back in my day we didn’t have Grindr. We got in our cars and circled the fruit loop just to “see who’s out there.” A lot of partners were ok with this if it was safe sex. No falling in love. Now that I’m 57, I think it’s normal and you should talk to your partner about the boundaries you agree on like Daddy says. Hormonally men are dogs, especially in youth, but we do have brains and speech.

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