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Your Big Gay March Madness Playlist

Sweet teams are made of these: The best anthems for championship gays in sports.

By Scott King

APPARENTLY WHEN I WAS A VERY YOUNG GAY PERSON, I used to call them champion chips. That sounds hot. I also it used to be fond of a film called Shitty Shitty Bang Bang.

My mother coached college sports. My sister plays sports very, very well. I love them both very much. I don’t like sports, though. I think they’re Satanic a little bit.

If you’re one of those gay guys who loves sports, you love to celebrate with a song. And if you don’t care about sports, you can still rock out to channel the spirit of your sports-loving brethren. Here’s a list of the best anthems for gays in sports, just in time for March and its Madness – basketball playoffs begin March 15.

Katy Perry
You’re going to win the game. You’re going to shoot the ball in the basket. Then they’re going to hear you exclaim it from the rooftops.

The Notorious B.I.G.
After listening to this track, I am SO ready to kick your ass. With style. Federal agents mad cause I’m FLAGRANT.

Another One Bites the Dust
This song is about all your ex-lovers. If Annie Lennox did a poignant cover of it at the piano, it would be about the AIDS crisis.

Rape Me
I’m not the only one.

We Will Rock You
At least it’s not “We are the Champions.” That beat though.

Power of Two
Indigo Girls 
Tennis has always been very, very gay. Women’s doubles, anyone? What makes me think I could start clean slated?

Pass that Dutch
Missy Elliot
Sports make even less sense  when I’m stoned. Don’t the players and the fans realize that they’re all obsequious space robots?

C’mon Ride It (The Train)
Quad City DJs
I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can. I can.

Holding out for a Hero
Bonnie Tyler
The song is degrading to women. It also makes all  tingly downstairs.

John Fogerty
Holy shit this song is gay. Or is it about being bisexual and still no one wants you? Either way, put me in coach. I’ll do whatever you say, today. There’s a brown-eyed handsome man. And a mini-van. I think you understand …

Sweet dreams (Are Made of This)
This song is about pro wrestling. Or any of those amateur videos a bro might post to the Internet. Some of them want to use you. Some of them (most of them) want to get used by you.

I Got Id
Pearl Jam
Yes you do, gurl. And I fight back in my mind. Like a boss.

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