One is a jealous lover envious of his mega hot boyfriend. Another is getting old and fat. Hey Daddy on worrying too much about all the wrong things.
My boyfriend is so hot, sometimes I have to excuse myself at work just to go wank out my thoughts about him. Seriously.
Guys everywhere we go agree. I’m ridiculously jealous of them, and to make it worse, I’m actually envious of my boyfriend, too.
I don’t think I’m ugly, but sometimes I wish Mother Nature made me as hot as him. I love having him at my side, but I wonder if other gays think I’m not worthy. Help!
Grudging Resentment, Even Envious of Nature
Gay men are in a position to both want, and want to be, other men. The inner push-and-pull is unique, but your struggle with it is not.
Tap into knowing that this beautiful guy chose to be with you. If he thinks you’re worthy, so should you. His attraction will erode if you behave jealously – not because you’re ugly, but because you’re insecure. He’ll also notice if you instead choose to trust him. So will the jealous bitches dishing about your relationship as if it’s any of their business.
You can’t change nature, but worrying without changing is just emotional self-flagellation.
When I was in my 20s and 30s, I had more confidence than I deserved, and it showed. As I push well into my 40s, I feel old, fat and ugly. Everywhere I turn are signs of ageism in the gay community, and the little Body Nazis judging everybody are killing my self worth.
Fortysomething: Unappealing Gay Life Years
Getting older is certainly better than the alternative, and a slew of your brethren died before finding out. They might tell us that aging is a privilege.
Acknowledge gay ageism, but don’t absorb it. Reject the groupthink mentality of inexperienced younger guys and re-evaluate for yourself: How much better off are you than when you were their age? How much are your knowledge and life skills worth? Would you take your old body back and lose what you’ve gained?
Your experiences define you, and your life is rich with them.
Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, firstname.lastname@example.org, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line. Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.
A version of this column ran on March 9, 2016.