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Hey, Daddy! I can’t tell the truth

They say the truth hurts, which makes it incredibly difficult to share sometimes. Hey Daddy helps these two pull up their big boy pants and say what needs to be said.

Hey, Daddy!
My partner’s breath smells like he spent the night eating the booty of every guy on the local gay rugby squad. And he probably did. Well, not the entire squad, but…

Anyway, that he’s an salad-tossing slut is fine by me, but how do I broach the topic of his stank ass breath? Like, literally. It is stank ass. His breath smells like a butt.

I want to kiss him, but seriously a hazmat mask is not going to set the mood – or even be enough to shut that shit out.

Help!
– Guy Repulsed Over Smelly Situations

Dear GROSS:
Your situation may be phrased creatively, but it’s common: No one wants to tell the guy that he has bad breath or too-heavy body odor and needs to do something about it, but everyone wants someone else to tell him as soon as humanly possible.

Sure it’s a touchy subject, but you owe your partner the truth. Communication is almost always better than letting a situation fester. And since this is your partner, the only person who loves him more than anyone other than his granny, you are the right man for the job

Try the good old compliment sandwich: Deliver the news between bits of praise.

“The whole team knows you’re the best in town at eating butt, but you do yourself a disservice by not gargling afterwards. The rest of you is so hot that if you fix the breath issue, they’ll all be back line for the amazing service, and as always I’ll be ass-out at the front of the line.”

Even if it takes a minute, or a week, he’ll appreciate it and be glad it came from you in private without judgment.

 

Hey, Daddy!
It’s time to break up with my boyfriend, but he’s so stuck on me that I’ve just been sort of “phasing him out” instead of making a clean break.

I feel bad about dumping him, because he’s a super sweet guy, but I have no idea what to say to him other than I’m not feeling it. What should I do?
Sorta Angsty Disappointment For A Charming Ex

Dear SADFACE:
Hard conversations are hard. Welcome to the big leagues. Stop feeling bad for the breakup and start feeling bad for stringing the guy along. Now fix it by ripping off that Band-Aid. There, isn’t that better?

A version of this column ran in April 2016.

Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, mike@davidatlanta.com, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line.  Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.

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