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Hey, Daddy! HIV is ruining my dating life

Homo hookups are hard, especially if you’re a victim of the same outdated notions that limit and stigmatize you. 

Hey, Daddy!
I’m longtime HIV-positive, but I still can’t figure out how to disclose without decreasing chances of getting laid and increasing chances of the guy hating me.
Look, I’m Still Troubled Even Now

Listen, LISTEN:
You and he are each responsible for our own risks and behaviors. Your assumptions play a part of the stigma against you, so stop buying into it.

Couch status conversations in the fun activities you want to try on each other, as well as prevention methods you prefer. Like any difficult talk, do it with authenticity and sensitivity, and let the guy decide for himself.

If he would hate you for this, not only was he not worth your time in the first place, it wasn’t going to be a good lay anyway.

Hey, Daddy!
I fantasized about this guy for years, and finally I hooked up with him. First thing he did was put on a condom for oral sex. I was like, seriously? And believe me, he was serious. The only way I was getting that D in my mouth was with latex on it.

Issues. Stigma. Fear.

To top it off, his dick was so nothing special. All those fantasies for nothing but issues, issues, issues. So not worth it.

Why can’t I find one decent guy for life, without hang-ups, who is also fantasy-worthy sexy?
Don’t Ever Feel Like Even Connecting Twice

Dear DEFLECT:
Speaking of issues, everyone has them, and yours aren’t about a lack of sexy-and-decent guys.

You can’t try to fix this man’s lack of knowledge about how HIV is transmitted and unreasonable fears, and you have your own concerns to address.

Start with your fixation on looks and “special” penis requirements that you deem “worth it.” Did you fantasize about him because you knew the person behind his appearance? If you had, maybe you’d already know about his sex preferences and practices.

You ended a sex-only story by asking whether he was also a good person worth a relationship. If you’re in it only for the sex, fine. Have conversations in advance about expectations, or carry your disappointments from one guy to the next. But if sexual compatibility with uber-hot guys has been your main precursor for dating, rethink your approach.

Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, mike@davidatlanta.com, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line.  Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.

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