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Are you edgy? Or just gay?

Are you a life snob? Do you project disdain and empathy at people with worse taste than you? You might be an edgy queer with a vision and a mission, or just gay.

By Scott King

HIPSTER, OR GAY? EUROPEAN OR GAY? Dead, or Canadian? These are questions for the ages, right along with, ‘How much do you think Courtney Love Cobain’s attorneys charge as a retainer?’ and ‘Will Annette Bening ever get her Oscar?’

As we sit idly and watch helplessly as this as-yet-unnamed decade passes us by, other burning, crucial questions emerge.

Do you simultaneously project both disdain and empathy at people who are different from you? And by different, I mean lesser. And by lesser, I mean with worse or no taste in music, worse or no taste in clothes, worse or no taste in entertainment and dining and lifestyle choices.

If so, you may be a hipster. You might also be gay. It’s a fine line.

Hipsters generally like sex in the vagina, vinyl records, craft beers, and java sumatra. Gay men generally like sex within the ether goddess, mp3s, liquor, and espresso.

Gay men tend to be edgy. Hipsters tend to at least appear to be gay. How can a reasonable person tell these things?

Hipsters have way more gay friends than a bro, although a bro will be much more physically affectionate with their gay friends, much like they are with their bro bros. C’mon, bro, it’s 2017. Get hip.

A hipster will whine to you about how the women in their life are breaking their hearts. A bro will ask you about sex in the butt. He will also teach you about cleavage. And then you’ll talk about your dicks. He’s thinking about voting for Trump surrogates and wannabes in the next election. Make sure to send him to the wrong polling place.

SPEAKING OF POLLING PLACES, maybe your historically (and presently) persecuted sexual orientation is enough for you on the edginess front.

You don’t necessarily want to be different or subversive or countercultural. You just want to fellate a handsome gentleman. I can dig on that, Ponyboy.

You are OK with accidentally merging into banal heteronormativity, even if it means your maternal instincts will lead you straight into the arms of the bourgeoisie. It’s all good, and no one should judge you.

Also, no one should judge you for shopping retail, driving an SUV, and not caring.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Being queer gives us an opportunity to see the world from the perspective of “other.” Obviously, the super-rich and famous have a different perspective as well. They use it sometimes, for philanthropy.

IF YOU GREW UP IN THE ‘80s, ‘90s or early Noughties, when there was still a middle class, you were sheltered from alternative realities even though you had an alternative sexual orientation. Until very recently, gay people spent much more time in urban areas than our heterosexual contemporaries.

These Millennials, though, you can’t scare them off with a disco stick. They’re here, they’re queer (friendly), and they will post a selfie. They’ll even compliment your excellent physique, and your “angle.” That means edgy.

If you’re reading this magazine, it indicates to me that you live in not just metro Atlanta, even more likely intown Atlanta ITP, or you’re visiting. Either way, you have a choice to make: Do you want to remain cloistered in your gated community and continue your long-term relationship with your DVR, or do you want to get back in the trenches and fight along with your brother and sisters of color, of different socioeconomic status, immigrant status, religion, race, creed (this includes Communists and anarchists), and, yes, gender orientation and sexual orientation?

Protest marches have all the good feels. Join us. You don’t even have to be edgy to attend the marches. We won’t judge. See you there, gurl.

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