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Hey, Daddy! Still Hiding from my ex

So your boyfriend turned out to be a crazy person, and he’s even worse as your ex. Changing your entire life to avoid him isn’t working, and you’re fed up wondering what he’s going to do next. Hey Daddy shares what to focus on instead.

Hey, Daddy!
I’m fed up with being gossiped about by a guy I had the misfortune of meeting a couple years back.

At first, his charm was awesome. Of course, all that glitters in this gay world isn’t gold, or hell brass for that matter. My Spidey Sense first tingled that he might be good to be true, but slowly falling for him was clouding my judgment.

Things progressed, but he was paranoid and accusatory. It got ugly, and the whole thing eventually ended badly. Fast forward two years after we went our separate ways. He threatened, followed and harassed me. He called my work and told my boss complete lies attacking my character. 

I did and do still care for him, and I know he’s capable of being a great guy, but he has some issues, including meth use, which causes his other issues like low self esteem, paranoia, delusions and anger. I reached out to him again to try and settle it, and I can admit my wrongs in all of this, but he won’t even try to meet me half way.

For two years now, I’ve removed myself from gay social functions so he’d lay off and see I had moved on. I’m tired of walking on egg shells in fear of setting him off. Should I continue to lay low? Do I get the authorities involved? Should I just do my own thing and keep letting him invade my life?
Damn, Really Am Marginalized Already

Dear DRAMA:
You’re fed up and hurt, and that makes it even harder to see through the mess, and what you may be doing to perpetuate the situation.

Every time you stay home, every time you let him get to you, he gets what he wants: to be a permanent thorn in your side. Set yourself free by truly moving on – without him. Stop thinking about him. Stop worrying about his motives. Forget whether he will be somewhere or not, and – hard as it may be at first – absolutely stop caring if he is. When he says something, roll your eyes, tell whoever asks the real truth about his lie, and explain only if necessary that he’s an ex with sour grapes, period.

It doesn’t matter how you broke up. It doesn’t matter what his issues are. It doesn’t matter that you can’t fix him. That part of your responsibility was over the moment you broke up. What matters are your issues and what you can control: You. Stop calling, stop strategizing, stop wondering, and stop making decisions based on what he does or might do.

If he breaks the law, you have the right to call the authorities. Go through what it takes to get a restraining order. But much of what he’s doing is just petty, gossipy BS. Unless you’re in danger, reactions like calling cops and going to court will only fuel his fire and convince him he’s getting to you. You do you, and find a way to truly not care what he does or says. Say this to yourself: He is dismissed.

Once he stops affecting you with the reactions he so desperately desires for attention, he’ll gradually disappear.

Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, mike@davidatlanta.com, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line.  Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.

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