It’s big, it’s beefy, it’s sportier than your Sunday Funday outfit. Here’s the guide to Super Bowl 51 for Gay Guys who want a little football with their Lady Gaga concert.
By Mike Fleming
While some of you are stoked about the Falcons’ second foray to the Super Bowl on Feb. 5, others are like, ‘Oh my god, you guys. Lady Gaga is doing a live mini show on TV, and apparently there is a local sports angle!’
This is for the latter group, with a few respectful nods to the former. Because diversity.
Super Bowl! So… What is it?
It’s like the Oscars and The Gladiator had a baby. Winners, losers, special outfits, roaring crowds, big athletic guys, the works. Super Bowl LI (That’s 51 in Roman numerals) pits our local heroes – the padded gladiators also known as the Dirty Birds – against the New England Patriots, aYankee stronghold led by Gisele Bündchen’s uber hot husband.
Vegas wheeler dealers who think green visors are a look are putting the Patriots as the slight favorites by just 3 points, but of course we know never count out someone from Atlanta. Because cheerleading. Go sports!
Can I go?
No. Well, you could but you can’t get in. Like any Gaga concert, you’d have needed expensive tickets a long time ago.
Besides, it’s in Houston, Texas. It’s a good time of year to avoid their heat, but as a native of that city who knows exactly where NRG Stadium is located, you wouldn’t be impressed anyway. Ask me later if you want the gay metro experience, girl.
Where Can I Watch It in Atlanta?
That’s the right question. Your favorite gay bar, of course!
Almost all of Atlanta’s watering holes for the man-on-manly inclined are pulling out the stops like the rest of the city to tune into Fox 5 early and stay all day. They have everything you need to say, ‘Go, sports!’ just like your jock friends, but with better color coordination and hair.
Sports bar Woofs on Piedmont is all in.
“We are Atlanta’s only gay sports bar serving our community since 2003,” says Aaron Born of Woofs. “It’s also just a place for friends, fun and community. I don’t think there’s a better place to be on Super Bowl Sunday.”
There are also big plans to watch the game with special treats at Ten Atlanta, Blake’s with the local gay Flag Football League of Atlanta, Amsterdam, Burkhart’s, Hideaway, Cockpit, BJ Roosters, Bulldog’s, Tripp’s, and Las Margaritas … So yeah, if they are open on Sunday and have a TV, not to mention several flat screens and big screens, you are in good company to ogle the football butts on Feb. 5.
What should I wear?
Another important question. Falcons colors are Red and Black. If you’re into drama, wear Patriots’ Red, White and Blue.
Who are the hot guys?
While we are all Falcons, all the time, most will argue that the stud of the game is the aforementioned Mr. Bundchen, Tom Brady. He’s a smokin’ hot specimen with a face and body that your straight-guy-but-six-pack dreams are made of.
When it comes to sexy, the Patriots might be able to take the title without ever taking the field. Brady’s quarterback string compatriot is also easy on the eyes, Jimmy Garoppolo. For you beardy bear lovers, Defensive End Chris Long and Wide Receiver Julian Edelman are your guys All. Day. Long. They also have a person called Gronk (Rob Gronkowski) who is as Bro-tastically sexy as they come.
On the home team, Running Back Devonta Freeman needs to have my babies. Now. We also have our own white bread boy next door quarterback Matt Ryan, and sexy-ass Wide Receiver Danny Amendola.
Since legacies always show up for the Big Game, keep an eye on the sidelines for former Falcon Tony Gonalez. At 6’5” and 243 pounds, I would still volunteer to be his bitch in my version of Fantasy Football.
So… When is Lady Gaga?
She crushed the National Anthem last year early in the game, but we have to wait a little bit this time. Mother Monster channels her aunt Joanne around 8 p.m., but since the game clock starts and stops, go ahead and tune in for the whole thing and watch the 5 million-dollar ads until Gaga Go Time.
Basically since 2004 and Janet Jackson’s Justin Timberlake-aided wardrobe malfunction, the Super Bowl has had a litany of gay icons at half time.
Gaga follows a string of our faves including Beyonce, Madonna, Katy Perry and Bruno Mars other divas.
The trend for the Halftime Show is surprises, so stay primed for special guests and big visuals.
Anything else I should know?
You may hear a lot of strange lingo. “Tight End” and “Wide Receiver” don’t mean what you think they mean.
You are also likely to see signs and hear cheers of “Rise Up!” This is normal and requires no action on your part, other than perhaps a super butch “Hell Yeah!” in response.
It’s a Falcons thing. Just go with it.