Whether you’re the object of a random coworker’s affections, or your trick is trickling, Hey Daddy differentiates the right way and a wrong way out of sticky situations.
There I am, minding my own business at my corporate holiday party, when the sketchiest of sketchy queens at our office heads toward me. I rolled my eyes because I already know she crazy and looks drunker than usual, but I had no idea how bad it was about to get.
He starts as his usual annoying self, but out of nowhere pivots to asking if it’s true what they say about tall guys. I’m 6’4”. He says he read a penis study, and you add an extra inch for so many inches of height, so mine should be this or that, or whatever. He goes on about how he loves a big dick and knows what to do with it.
He tells me that he dated a tall guy once who turned out just average, and he made due with it. The guy came all over his face and all over his house. Seriously. I was cornered, and no amount of social signals would make him to stop.
I didn’t want to make a scene with my other coworkers there, and I didn’t want to embarrass him since I have to see him on a regular basis, but what should I have done?
Only For Fear Is Coworker Excused
Sometimes it feels like it’s never the ones we want to be hitting on us who do it, right? That said, coworkers or not, there’s never a reason to make a scene, shame or embarrass somebody.
Be kind, not as a reflection on the guy and what you think of him, but as a reflection on yourself. Consider it karma for the next time you bat outside your league.
Start by interjecting shut-down statements like “Let me stop you right there.” Let guys know the moment you sense unwanted advances that you’re uninterested or unavailable. Avoid hints. Be clear that you mean what you say without being rude.
If he doesn’t stop, move. You’re never cornered so much at a crowded party that you can’t feign seeing someone you know behind him and making excuses to walk away. Since your coworker was drunk, chances are he’ll feel remorse without you having to ever lift another finger.
Not that this was your case, but while we’re on the subject, if a guy anywhere, any time doesn’t take the hint and becomes overbearing, intimidating or forceful, that should not be tolerated.
If you’re in fear, tell the guy directly to stop. If it worsens, have someone with authority talk to him. Let him know you won’t tolerate harassment and are open to pressing charges.
How do you politely tell your trick that he’s not clean “down there”? I was fucking this guy, and that frothy mixture dropped on the carpet, which he didn’t see because he was face down on the pillow.
Such A Nasty Trickling Overflowing Right Ugly Mess
You know the saying: Shit happens. No matter how “prepared” he thinks he is, every bottom and his top has experienced this situation in some form. Don’t make a big deal out of it, and just explain what’s up if it’s too much to continue.
By the way, OxyClean works on that stain if you’re fresh out of carpet cleaner.
Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, firstname.lastname@example.org, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line. Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.