Let the 10 Best Inadvertently Gay Horror Movies take you away when ‘holidays’ and ‘Christmas’ are the last things you want to hear.
Chances are you’ll spend part or all of the holidays chilling in front of the TV. Whether by circumstance or by design, after a month of Christmas ads and holiday specials, there’s also a great chance that whatever you watch, you’ll want for anything but more holiday fodder.
Enter our friends at Cracked, NewNowNext, and Halloween Love. For decidedly un-Christmassy Christmas weekend fare, we couldn’t resist their hilarious takes on campy, scary horror films with the added bonus of overflowing with gayness.
Some of these flicks are so gay, they’re even more entertaining for how they seem to dabble in homoerotica so unintentionally – or come on, is it intentional after all?
Caleb is the leader of a gang of “undercover” male witches who spend a lot of time showering together. He is obsessively targeted by a mysterious stranger, Chase, the new kid at their exclusive private school. We don’t want to read too much into the fact that the school’s female students are featured mostly as blurry, indistinct figures in the background. Why read anything at all when we have an all-male naked locker room fight scene to watch? Not to mention a young Chase Crawford and Taylor Kitsch.
The Lost Boys
A handsome young man is targeted by vampires. Everyone is dressed like members of WHAM! Back at the vampires lair, the leader of the pack, David, tricks Michael into swallowing some of his bodily fluids. Sexual tension, a man in a saxophone and studded codpiece, and Corey Haim opens his not-at-all metaphorical closet to reveal a Rob Lowe poster. Ah, the 80s.
Jeepers Creepers 2
This beefcake-filled sequel sees a busload of high-school basketball players being picked off by a winged monster with a taste for hairless twinks. How gay is it? Well, we lost Justin Long in the first Creepers movie, but we got smoldering Al Santos as a consolation prize. Plus, there’s the whole “horny, shirtless basketball players on a bus” thing.
Getting to gazing upon the chiseled delights of Christian Bale for 90 minutes mostly made up for the gorier parts in this expose of ’80s-era excess and narcissism. And when a closeted gay guy hits on Patrick, he actually lets him go. Um… progress?
Young man befriends vampire, ignores attractive woman for 90 minutes.
Don’t let the scantily-clad female on the cover fool you into renting this movie for your men’s beach volleyball after party. Actress Izabella Miko appears in approximately 10 minutes of footage, and the rest is devoted to a lengthy bromance between Sean and half-vampire Nick. Nick explains that Sean has been infected with a blood disorder that can only be slowed with a cocktail of drugs. The two young men team up to attract and kill the head vampire, who is no match for the most powerful force in the universe: white hot, masculine love. The film ends as the two men stare meaningfully into each other’s eyes, and ride off into the sunset
– Halloween Love
Fear No Evil
There’s no way around it: Fear No Evil is bananas. The low-budget indie horror features an impalement by crucifix, the Son of Satan in a diaphanous Bob Mackie gown, and music by The Boomtown Rats. Our demon-spawn “hero” Andrew is assaulted in the gym showers by a bully—who pins him down and kisses him while both are naked.
Nightmare on Elm Street II: Freddy’s Revenge
Freddy Krueger spends an entire movie trying to get into a young man’s body. Young Jesse, who has just moved with his family into a house on Elm Street, is suffering from intense dreams that make him wake up shirtless and sweaty, often times not wearing pants. Jesse’s habitual pantlessness continues at school, where he is always either at gym having his shorts pulled down, or else in the locker room, being tormented by a cruel coach. Eventually Jesse’s friend, Lisa, finds a diary in his room that contains the story of Freddy Krueger, along with an erotic description of Johnny Depp. Next he’s dragged into a shower, stripped naked and whipped.
Billy Loves Stu. Billy loves Stu. Billy loves Stu. Can we be any clearer? Billy. Loves. Stu.
– Halloween Love
Backpacking American Josh (Derek Richardson) clearly has a crush on his buddy Paxton (Jay Hernandez). When the guys have a foursome in creepy Slovakia, it’s Pax Josh can’t keep his eyes off of. Sadly, Josh’s heteroflexibility leads to his falling prey to a Dutch psychopath with a surgical fetish.
There’s no denying the homoeroticism of the best vampire comedy ever made. Jerry Dandride is undeniably and uncontrollably alluring to those around him, male and female. Armed with a “Renfield-esque” doting assistant, Dandridge seems to target young men as his victims. Starring Stephen Geoffreys (who later wen ton to do gay porn) and Amanda Bearse (an open lesbian), this film is gushing with gayness.
– Halloween Love
Sources: Cracked, NewNowNext, Halloween Love