All the best intentions don’t come up with everlasting every time. Whether it’s a rough marriage you’re already in, or a boyfriend who just proposed, here are two guys learning the benefits of taking it slow.
Things have been pretty bad with my husband for a while. He takes out his frustrations on me, and I’m past my breaking point.
Recently I lost my job, and he has treated me differently ever since. While drunk, he told me that he doesn’t care if I stay or go. While sober, he tried to walk it back, but I’m sick of this pattern of behavior. I will always love him, but this is no way to live.
We’re taking a couple of weeks apart to figure out what we want. I believe marriage means making someone your family, so if we can fix it, great. Of course it takes two, and my faith in him to do his part is nearly gone.
Most of all, I feel like a fool. I walked away from a life I loved and people who loved me to be with him. Now I feel like I did it all for nothing and wasted my time.
Gotten Used To This Everlasting Despair
It’s painful when one party does all the work, while the other is cruel and lashes out. It’s difficult, but you can take some relief in seeing him for who he is so that you can act accordingly.
Your decision to respect your marriage enough to give it another shot is admirable – if he’s willing to work with you. Open communication and a commitment to real change from both of you might leave you some hope.
If he’s not in it with you, though, the writing is on the wall. He may be pushing you to make the final decision he’s afraid to make. Beyond his manipulations and emotional abuse, it sounds like he doesn’t know what unconditional love is. People lose jobs. Shit happens. Hello? “For better or for worse” much? It’s sad, but it’s a reality you can deal with.
As far as feeling embarrassed, don’t. None of what you had is lost. In fact, this experience just adds to your story. Your friends and former life can be regained. You gave love a shot and were willing to fight for it. These are very non-foolish things to know about yourself.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about eight months, and he asked me to marry him. I know in my heart it’s right, but I’m hesitant over timeframe. Should I be?
Right, but Unfortunately So Hasty
Guys used to move in together too quickly. Now some jump over even that step to the altar. Listen to your hesitation and ease up. If it’s right, you’ll be feeling it even more in a year or two. Say yes to a long engagement.
Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach out with your burning questions via our editor, firstname.lastname@example.org, and put “Hey, Daddy” in the subject line. Warning: Advice in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty. Proceed at your own risk. If you’re in trouble, ask a professional for help.