Help me settle an argument. Half my friends believe this guy who says he’s bisexual. The rest of us insist that bisexuality is just a stop on the Denial Express to Gay Town.
We’ve all seen him with guys, but no one has seen him with a woman. One friend even goes as far as to say I’m just jealous of all this guy’s options. What do you think? Do bisexuals even exist, and how can we tell which ones to trust?
— Bisexual Envy? Not True
Yes, there really are bisexuals, but that’s the easy part of your question. Look inward at your own perceptions, because there’s room for personal growth up in there.
It’s true that some gay men “ease into” coming out by first admitting that they’re bisexual. It may be confusing to outsiders, but “trying on” a different label helps some guys. Let’s all remember what that time was like for us and allow other guys to come out as gay in their own time and in their own ways.
That said, your friend is quite possibly bisexual, and there’s — take note — Nothing. Wrong. With. That. There’s no reason to distrust anybody trying to live his truth. He knows what’s in his heart, and you should take him at his word. There’s no deception here.
But the harshest truth? If you’re not sleeping with him, his sex life is not your business. Don’t confuse your curiosity with a right to know.
I’ve been having mind-blowing sex with the best kisser I’ve ever met. We originally met on Grindr, and it’s great because he’s in the neighborhood. He can literally walk over here at a moment’s notice.
But he’s not the only thing afoot: trouble. I just found out that another neighbor who I think is awesome is my fuck buddy’s wife. No, I’m not kidding, and yes I’m freaking out.
Is he gay? Bisexual? Does she deserve to know? Am I bad for considering a way to keep up our shenanigans?
–Really Oustandlingly Consumate Kisses
After several beers, I blew a supposedly “straight” friend who I’ve been obsessed with since high school. The trouble is he’s married, and now he keeps calling at all hours for more. Apparently he’s more than just six-pack gay.
I want to go downtown again– bad, real bad — but I feel a little guilty. I mean, if he’s bisexual he’s going to get it somewhere, right?
–Horny After Righteous Dick Pits Lips Against Conscience Endlessly
Dear ROCK and HARDPLACE:
Hot sex can cloud any self-respecting gay man’s judgment, even more so if it feels “forbidden” with somebody else’s man or the oft-fantasized “straight guy.” Each of you has some choices to make.
On the one hand, these marriages are your tricks’ problem, not yours. If you’re content in your role as the other hole, there’s no shame in your game. Don’t let abstract moral standards get in your way.
But if that nagging sound you hear is your inner voice telling you to stop, consider listening to it – at least long enough to make some informed choices. It doesn’t matter whether he’s bisexual, a horny drunk, or a wandering organ looking to play any tune. Whether his spouse’s feelings matter to you is the point. Only you know your true-self answer on that one.
[Daddy loves his boys. He knows the answers you need, and you’re going to get them. Reach him via our editor: firstname.lastname@example.org.]