When spring chickens hatch, the first think they do is feed off of drama and not the scattered corn of good advice. I’ve realized over the years to let them go ahead and learn the hard way because they don’t listen for shit. This is Favorite Bitch – not the House of Tiger where I play den mother to kinderqueens and their foolery. Hunties, this week is all about Troublesome Twinks! They may be serving #TenderoniRealness, however, it doesn’t take long to go from savory chicken dumplings to a discarded bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken!
Dear Miss Tiger,
I’m 22, a college student and work a part-time job. I live paycheck to paycheck! My roommate knew this when I moved in. We always end up fighting whenever I come home with any type of shopping bag. He accuses me of spending my rent money in the mall. He doesn’t understand that I’m buying on credit and not with real money. Help!
Dear Chances Are You’re A Hot Fucking Mess,
You’re young, fabulous and won’t listen to a goddamn thing somebody tries to tell you. One thing’s for sure, though – Make your credit card payments on time, bitch! There’s nothing less attractive than a motha fuckah with bad credit …
If ‘real money’ is what you’re after, then take that twink-ass down to a gay strip club and make those coins, hunty! Give some of the jackpot to your roommate and not the boys you flirt with during your shopping sprees at the mall. The extra cash will keep that bitter roommate off your back. Speaking of your back, try lying on it and maybe you can find a sugar daddy who’ll pay for your retail therapy AND an apartment of your own. NEXT!
Dear Miss Tiger,
My boyfriend is way older than me – like 20 years and some change. His crew thinks I’m a whore who’s using Tony for his money. It ain’t my fault he gives me that paper. It’s also not my fault that him and his man are in an open relationship. You got some advice on how I can get his friends to believe we’re for real?
Dear Reality Check,
After Tony nuts in your boypussy, then gets dressed to go home to his husband and gives you money to “buy yourself something pretty” … do you feel like his BOYFRIEND or his WHORE? NEXT!
Dear Miss Tiger,
I’m a twink and I just came out! I’ve only fucked guys who shaved their pubic hair. I don’t know how I even got crabs from somebody! Where do crabs come from? I love your column, Miss Tiger! Can you help me too?
–Christopher in Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Dear Hmmm … I Wonder What Your SAT Score Was,
I don’t know where they come from! Hell, with the countless cracks and crevices your dick has seen, who the fuck knows where you picked up those critters, sugar pie! I am certain of one thing though … you got ‘em from being a slut and not from attending the annual Creole Gumbo Festival! (FYI, crabs can attach themselves to any body hair including eyelashes!)
If you really want the answer, look to a calendar and peek inside your Andrew Christian Trophy Boy Brief. By the way, at the rate you’re going, you may wanna buy RID in bulk … and remember to RINSE & REPEAT!
I love you too, boo!
Need advice? Write, Tweet or Facebook me and get the goddamn answers you’ve been looking for!
Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality … and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH
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