Despite recently being dropped by her agent, publicist, and lawyer, locking herself in a dressing room for two hours, and attacking a paparazzo—never mind the DUI and multiple hit and runs—Amanda Bynes insists to People Magazine that she’s doing “amazing.” I didn’t realize “amazing” had become synonymous with “batshit crazy,” but let’s go with it.
Demi Lovato recently appeared on Katie Couric’s talk show, Katie, and revealed that she’s had issues with her weight since she was a toddler. “I remember being three years old in a diaper and rubbing my hand over my stomach … and I remember thinking in my head, ‘I wonder if one day this will ever be flat?’” Yes, you read that right. I can’t even remember what I did two hours ago, but Demi supposedly remembers developing body dysmorphia at three.
At the iHeartRadio Music Festival in Las Vegas, Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day dove into an ocean full of F-bombs when the band supposedly received a one-minute warning after Usher’s set ran 25 minutes long, shouting, “”Let me tell you something, I’ve been around since 198-fucking-8, and you’re gonna give me one fucking minute?! You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. [...] What the fuck? I’m not fucking Justin Bieber, you motherfuckers!” It’s hard to take a guy in eyeliner seriously, but I will say it was definitely more entertaining than any god awful Green Day song I’ve ever heard. (P.S. He checked into rehab the next day… naturally.)
LMFAO is breaking up. Eardrums rejoice!
A 20-minute Kanye West sex tape is being shopped around, which reportedly features a Kim Kardashian look-alike. Matching sex tapes: true romance.
Paris Hilton was caught on audio tape by a cab driver casually chatting with her gay friend about how “gay guys are the horniest people in the world” (…okay, can’t really dispute that one) and how “they’re disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS.” A simultaneously attractive and vapid woman with skewed ideas about gays: throw on a brunette wig and a pair of schoolmarm glasses, and you’ve got the second coming of Sarah Palin. (Note: It was later clarified that she and her friend were discussing Grindr and the spread of HIV/AIDS, and she issued an apology to GLAAD, saying, “Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know.”)
Now that her immunity deal has expired, infamous former White House intern Monica Lewinsky is reportedly in negotiations to write a tell-all about her affair with Bill Clinton, which could fetch her up to $12 million. If only sucking dick worked out as well for all of us.
Justin Bieber’s mom, Pattie Mallette, is currently promoting her autobiography (because she hasn’t made enough off of her son), in which she reveals that she almost aborted the Biebs. That’s one non-abortion that the whole world is suffering for.
The rapper Mystikal (“Shake Ya Ass”) told TMZ that if he fails in music, he’s going into porn. Spoiler alert: you’ve already failed.