As usual, it’s been a big week for the Lohans, so let’s just go ahead and get it all out of the way:
Lindsay and her mother, Dina, partied until 4 AM at the Electric Room at the Dream Hotel in NYC. While en route to Dina’s house on Long Island (of course), the two started arguing about a $40,000 loan Lindsay had allegedly given to Dina to save Dina’s home from foreclosure (keep in mind she already gets a cut of Lindsay’s salary by default). Somewhere in the scuffle, Lindsay made the decision to call her father, Michael, who, naturally, recorded the entire conversation. During the call, Lindsay was audibly upset, and accused her mother of being on cocaine. Cut to the next day when Lindsay clarified to TMZ that everything between she and her mother was just peachy, and that, despite clearly saying her mother was coked up, denied that her mother has ever been or is presently on drugs, instead shifting blame to her father, who sold the tape to TMZ. I realize this is probably the Lohan version of mother-daughter bonding, but in all seriousness, someone get this girl away from her parents! The crackhouses of L.A. would be a healthier environment for her than either of her parents’ mansions (that she paid for) at this point.
Lindsay Lohan is voting for Romney because, why not? Actually, she said it’s because she “just [thinks] employment is really important right now.” If anyone is known for good decision-making (see above), it’s Lindsay Lohan. We may as well call the race now in Romney’s favor.
After months of dread, Hulk Hogan’s sex tape has finally hit the Internet. The tape, a clip of which was originally posted to Gawker, features Hulk having sex with Heather Clem, the then-wife of his best friend, Bubba the Love Sponge, with Bubba’s permission, of course. Only in Florida, folks. Now, Hulk is seeking the help of the FBI to find out who gave the tape to the media after local police in Florida said their hands were tied because (1) the tape was filmed in 2006, so it’s now outside of the statute of limitations, and (2) because the distribution of the footage crosses state line, therefore making it a federal offense. I’d generally say hunting down the person responsible for releasing the tape is a waste of federal money and only being done because Hulk is a public figure, but in this instance, that bastard should get life in prison for subjecting those of us who can’t control their morbid curiosity to a Hulk Hogan sex tape, because it’s an unfortunate mental image that will be burned into my mind for the rest of my life, which is its own life sentence. An eye for an eye.
Nelly’s tour bus was stopped in Texas, where cops found 36 baggies of heroin, a loaded .45 caliber pistol, and over 10 POUNDS of marijuana. First of all, haven’t we learned from Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Fiona Apple, and Armand Hammer, who have all been stopped and found with drugs at the same checkpoint? Secondly, BRB, I’m going to party with Nelly.
When asked by MTV UK, Leona Lewis gave her thoughts on who should play Christian Grey in the film version of 50 Shades of Grey: “For Christian Grey it has to be someone really hot and super smooth. Why am I just thinking of Chris Brown? Maybe Chris Brown!” Chris Brown seems like a natural choice to play a man who gets a thrill out of slapping around women, only then they’d have to rename the film 50 Shades of Black & Blue.