The day we thought would never come is right around the corner. The presidential election is nearly upon us, and if it hasn’t driven you to drink, you must not have been paying attention. The attack ads and the pundits will be making their final, big rhetoric push in the days leading up to November 6th and we think you should reward yourself for enduring all the shenanigans and political venom. So let’s give this clownish media blitz a proper send-off by getting blitzed. Here’s our suggestion for the 2012 presidential election drinking game.
Click the thumbnail for full electoral drinking map
See rules and recipes below
General Drinking Cues
Plan ahead. Make two batches of Jell-O shots. One red (Jello-O cherry or raspberry), and one blue (Jell-O Berry Blue). If you are a Republican, slam one back each time Romney wins a battleground state. If you are a Democrat, do one each time Obama wins a battleground state.
Maintaining Momentum and Smokin’ Polls:
Any time a newscaster says “too early to call,” “the economy,” or “exit polls” take a sip of your drink. Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your liver gasping.
Any time a politician or pundit says “take America (or “this country”) back,” take a sip of your drink.
The Palin Syndrome:
If a Republican brunette woman who is not Sarah Palin is shown and allowed to speak, take a sip of your drink.
If a newscaster mentions a third party candidate winning a state, finish your drink and look outside to make sure the world isn’t falling apart. If you see pigs flying, get naked and run through the street.
For each time you hear somebody say “Hillary 2016”, take a Jell-O shot and slap that person. It is way too early to start thinking about another election year!
Find yourself a rival (If you are a Democrat, find yourself a Republican). Make a bet with your opponent – the losing party will have to fulfill their side of the bet. Whoever’s candidate gets to the finish line first wins (270 electoral votes to win). We look forward to seeing lots of drunk YouTube videos of people making a full of themselves because of this. Sexual bets are appropriate too.
In the highly unlikely event there is a tie (269-269), both parties must fulfill the bets. Also, you should just call out of work the next day because the “around the water cooler” conversations might be enough to send you to the mental hospital.
News Network Specific Cues
If Wolf Blitzer breaks monotone, take a sip of your drink. If Anderson Cooper giggles, finish your drink.
If Chris Matthews pees his pants or has a hissy-fit in general, take a sip of your drink.
If they say Obamacare more then 5 times in 2 minutes, take a sip of your drink.
Why are you watching C-SPAN? Give me your keys. You’re Drunk.
*If you are an Independent, Undecided, Libertarian, or other party voter — just pick a side to play along!
Election Night Jell-O Shot Recipes
Hawaiian Island Blue:
Sorry Democrats, Jell-O Berry Blue is the worst tasting flavor of Jello. However, follow this recipe to get a fun Hawaiian Punch flavor which blends well with the berry and adds a tart bite.
6 oz. package Berry Blue Jell-O 16 oz.
(2 cup) boiling water 8 oz.
6 oz. Island Blue Pucker
10 oz. vodka
Sex on the Beach Red:
Republicans, we all know you are a little sweeter then you give yourself credit for. And if you ask any of your Governors, much kinkier then you let others believe. That’s why the Sex on the Beach shot is for you!
6 oz. package orange Jell-O 16 oz.
(2 cup) boiling cranberry juice
6 oz. peach schnapps
10 oz. vodka