Who would have ever suspected that a small town boy from Minnesota would end up rising to the very top of the porn industry food chain? And that I would be the one interviewing him on one quiet Saturday afternoon at 1pm Los Angeles time, of course. As I anxiously anticipated what kind of persona I would meet at the other side of the line and of the wild shenanigans he might have gotten himself into the prior night, the tone of his greeting proved me otherwise. It was completely opposite of his voicemail’s standard statement: “You’ve reached Larry. God knows where I am.”
Instead, his voice was professional and sorrowful: the strength of his exhausted lips that could barely form words, the silent communication of I will always be a shoulder for you to cry on—no matter what state I’m in. As some of you are familiar with Chi Chi through some of his visual artwork from the porn industry, my first acquaintance with the director was through reading Aiden’s Shaw’s sentimental confession: Sordid Truths. The image I had in my head of Chi Chi fit in the category of the eternal mother in the porn industry, traversing through a journey full of constant heartache and fulfillment: both unattainable without the other.
“I have a sit down with everybody before they do it. I have my guidelines and I have my things that I tell them. If they’re not prepared, nothing you say or do can help them prepare.” It was like the stern hand of love that can only be offered, but ultimately, it’s up to us whether we accept it or not. And even though today, dozens of boys are knocking on Chi Chi’s door begging for stardom, it can be quite intimidating to sit before this legendary set of eyes who has already foreseen the glimmers of future’s uninhibited glory and shameful deteriorations. “I’m a pretty good judge of character, not just in porn, but in every other aspects of life. A picture starts the process, but I have to speak to someone on the telephone and meet them. You get a feel for them; you get them to ask the questions. I’ve seen people who have come in with all the gusto and bravado and fail miserably. I’ve seen guys who come in shy and conservative, but they then end up as the best sexual performers.”
As I contemplated about the difference of characters that inevitably create that empathy which transports us to the emotional push and pull of desire that we can see through our computer monitors or television screens, perhaps it was the struggle and the revelation of new, untapped emotions that these “quiet ones” exhibited when performing on screen for the first time. And like that newborn’s first laugh, we are reminded of the magical miracle that is life. “You got to have some form of passion and desire to erotically charge people. A lot of modern actors are in it for the money, but it doesn’t take that. Sometimes, it’s the eyes that can be the most sexual organ. Sometimes touching and kissing can be the hottest part of a video. Sometimes a person’s sensitivity and sensuality overrides any animalistic instincts.”
For someone to hold such insight as Chi Chi did, I mistakenly inquired about how in awe I was of his passion and continuous evolution through each shoot. But I was wrong. “I’ve been doing this for twenty-eight years, and I’m jaded. There’s these clubs, and these naked boys and dancing, and people are asking me ‘how on earth can you not be concentrating?’ It’s just another day at the office to me. I’ve been looking at butts and ‘perfection’ everyday now. I think a lot of the porn being shot today are pretty boring and paint by number. It’s all about the reaction of the man’s face. I recently shot a scene where a guy jerks off another guy through his jeans, and they never even take off their clothes. It’s all about the evocation a scene can provoke in your imagination. That’s what’s sexy.”
Maybe today’s porn was now molded to fit a societal standard of mass consumption where vintage bareback was an unexplored taboo instead of a cutthroat business decision to boost sales. Chi Chi had seen it and done it all from staying up late doing drugs and drinking even at notorious locations such as our very own Backstreet, from touring all over from Australia to Paris, to witnessing first hand his closest friends die of disease and depression, from surviving a bypass surgery and losing over 150 pounds. It was perhaps time to write a memoir, I suggested. “I actually wrote a book a long time ago when it was probably too early for me to write. Back when my ego was starting to go through the roof as a publishing house approached me, but I’m sober now. I’m blessed that I’ve got to meet a lot of my heroes like Elton John and Boy George who reached out to me. I don’t regret any of it though; it’s part of the learning process. I have my own company Channel 1 Releasing, and my own store in Hollywood—it’s a boutique and gorgeous. I have amazing friends who are not limited by time and space, I have amazing business partners—I’ve been pretty lucky. The universe brings people to you and there’s a reason for everything. It’s a big fabulous universe.”
As he apologized to me for the need to cut off the interview to prepare for his DJ gig that night, I had learned through an unfiltered lens a raw look inside this infamous gay icon that no camera could ever capture. From the young, insecure boy who didn’t dare take off his clothes at the swimming pool to the young man sneaking into theaters obsessed with observing the process of liberation these actors possessed, to the transitioning drag diva transcending all social expectations, to the performer who gathered a performance troupe called the “Weather Gals” as an homage to the “Weather Girls” and striving to bring laughter and joy to Minnesota’s beginning drag scene. Chi Chi has worked to reach the very vulnerable top of the entertainment summit and yet still keeping the sometimes suffocating, and uncompromising, hope in finding the good in people, and taking one day at a time. Chi Chi is also looking forward to riding in the David Atlanta Pride Float (In partnership with Gayborhood and Brushstrokes), signing and greeting at Brushstrokes, attending the Georgia Aquarium pride party, while quietly staring in the reflection at glimpses of the former boy within. “I do my best to teach, not preach. Offer them guidance. If not, at least I’ve tried.”
