I have never written to you before, but I really need your guidance. I have had a haunting feeling for some time that my boyfriend has been cheating on me.
All the cheating signs are there; he never leaves his phone unlocked and he clears his browser history. He has been going out with ‘the boi’s’ a lot recently and when I ask to tag along, he always says ”It’s just some friends from work, you won’t have any fun.”
So last week, I stayed awake and waited for him to come home. I heard a car pull in the driveway around midnight; I had hidden in the garage behind my best wigs so I could get a good view of the whole street when he arrived home from a night out with “the Bois.” When he got out of the car he was buttoning up his fly and he took poppers out of his pants and threw them in the garbage.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my Dolly Parton wig, that I noticed a rip in my lace front Dolly Wig!
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to Miss Jin in Five Points?
- Concerned Drag Queen
Dear Ginger Bread Man, you have got to get that wig to Jin ASAP! P.S. What self-respecting drag queen stores their wigs in the garage?!
My 5 year old son only wants to play with Barbie dolls and my make-up, will he grow up to be gay?
- Questioning Mom
Dear Questioning Mom: I have sent you an application for the Armorettes for your son. It may be 15 years before you can send it back!
I caught my son having sex with Sofonda Cox and I think he might be gay. Is there some way I can find out for sure?
- Concerned Mother
Dear Concerned Mother
Your son is blind or has extremely poor taste! His being gay is the least of your concerns.
I’m concerned my son has a secret girlfriend. My 33 year old son has been very secretive with me lately. He refuses to go to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room to put away his clean underwear, I found a dress and some of my make-up hidden in his dresser. He obviously has a girlfriend he is hiding from me that is poor and can’t afford these things. I am afraid they’re having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he is going to get her pregnant. What should I do?
- Fearing Fornication
Your son is a drag queen named Lucy Bowels. P.S. Please give her more clothes, charity begins at home!
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much! Last night as I came out of the steam room at Flex, I ran into him!
- Pissed Off
Dear Pissed Off,
You live in Atlanta, are you really surprised? Go to Eros instead. There isn’t a steam room there according to Ally Yankadic, but watch out for Sofonda!
I am the world’s best Drag Queen. RuPaul even wants me. So why has every group I’ve been a part of turned their backs on me?
Dear Best Drag Queen,
You’re not a Drag Queen, you’re a BITCH, Mostly.