In case you haven’t heard, Kristen Stewart was snapped by paparazzi cheating on her boyfriend, fellow Twilight star Robert Pattinson, with 41-year-old Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, who is married with two young children. After the photos were published in Us Weekly, Kristen issued the following public apology: “I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.” I have to give it to her: what she lacks in on-screen acting skills she makes up for with her ridiculously overdramatic apology. But honestly, if you’re going to be a homewrecker, at least own it. I’d have respected her a lot more if she’d just come out and said, “Yeah, I let him go down on me, what of it?”
Mariah Carey has signed on to judge the upcoming season of American Idol for around $18 million, which I imagine will be spent on Cristal baths, jewel-encrusted Hello Kitty accessories, and workout stilettos.
Shit is going DOWN with the Jacksons. It all started when Katherine Jackson, the guardian of Michael Jackson’s three children, Paris, Prince, and Blanket, was in essence kidnapped by Randy, Jermaine, and Janet, and taken to an Arizona resort with no cell service or Internet access for 10 days in an attempt to have her overthrow the executors of Michael’s estate. Apparently Katherine then called her home in Calabasas sounding drugged and asked that her entire security team be fired and replaced with Janet’s. TJ Jackson (how many of them are there?!) called to ask Katherine for temporary guardianship, which she denied him. Cut to TJ filing for an emergency hearing in order to gain temporary guardianship of the three children, which was granted per TJ and the childrens’ wishes. Now Katherine is on her way back to LA, where her lawyer says he plans to file a motion to have Katherine reinstated as the primary guardian, all the while TJ is busy filing for permanent guardianship. In a world that can be unpredictable, it’s nice to see that there’s at least one constant: the Jackson family will always be fucking nuts.
72-year-old Fred Willard, who ironically will be starring in an upcoming film called The Yank, went the way of Pee Wee Herman after he was arrested for jacking off at a Hollywood porn theater. First of all, porn theaters still exist? Secondly, what’s the point of watching porn if you’re not going to tug one out? Third, I get that he’s 72, but surely he’s heard about a miraculous invention that allows for unlimited private porn viewing—it’s called the Internet. Look into it.
Sherman Hemsley, best known for playing George Jefferson on All in the Family and its spinoff The Jeffersons, passed away of natural causes in El Paso, Texas at 74. And with that, thousands of “moving on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky” jokes were made.