In case you’ve been able to escape the nauseatingly incessant coverage, Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise in NYC after five years of marriage… meaning I guess the contract finally expired. TMZ speculates that the primary reason for the divorce may have been Tom’s desire to send their daughter, Suri, to a “Scientology boot camp” aboard a Scientology-owned cruise ship known as the Sea Organization, where children as young as five are indoctrinated with the beliefs of Scientology and made to sign “a one-billion-year pledge to symbolize their eternal commitment to the religion. […] Katie felt the only way to save Suri from being shipped off to Sea Org was to file for divorce and seek sole legal custody.” That is fucked up on an other-worldly level, but considering Scientology was created by a science-fiction writer essentially, I’m not surprised.
Adele is knocked up. That’s great and all, but I’m more intrigued to see if Adele can actually write a song that isn’t a brooding breakup ballad (because you know her next album is going to be all about that damn baby).
After seemingly endless speculation for nearly a decade, Anderson Cooper finally publicly acknowledged he’s gay in an interview with Andrew Sullivan of The Daily Beast. Anderson Cooper, gay? Next you’ll tell me Joan Rivers has had a little work done.
Alec Baldwin married 28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in NYC. Tina Fey, Alec’s brothers Stephen and Billy Baldwin, Woody Allen and wife Soon Yi, Mariska Hargitay, Robert Kennedy, Jr. and Lorne Michaels were all in attendance. Prior to the wedding, Hilaria tweeted, “Being a bride is stressful…. ayyyyyyy.” The only person with a more stressful job than the bride was, of course, the wedding photographer.
Kim Kardashian was prominently featured alongside Kanye West at the BET Awards, where they were seated next to Jay-Z and Beyoncé. A room full of black men must have been a bigger field day for Kim than Jerry Sandusky at a national Boy Scouts convention.
Human baby factory, Michelle Duggar, who has birthed 19 children, wrote a column for TLC’s Parentables blog where she espoused “modest clothes […] mainly because God talks about the thigh being uncovered, and how that’s nakedness and shame.” Why is it always the people you’d least like to see naked who seem to pride themselves on their modesty? We are not impressed, we are thankful.
Kelly Osbourne recently got drunk on a flight to Atlanta and had to be carried off by her assistant and a security guard after researching severe cases of MS (Multiple Sclerosis), a disease which her brother, Jack Osbourne, was recently diagnosed with. I mean, I don’t really need an explanation about how your brother has MS and you drank “on an empty stomach.” I just thought everyone got drunk on planes.