Lady Gaga is releasing a new perfume called “The Fame”. Per her own description, it smells like “tears of Belladonna, crushed heart of tiger orchidea with a black veil of incense, pulverized apricot, and the combinative essences of saffron and honey drops.” Not mentioned: the reek of pretension.
I literally had to check my archives to make sure I wasn’t repeating myself, but it’s happened again: Lindsay Lohan was in another automobile accident. After slamming into the back of an 18-wheeler, she claims the brakes on her rented Porsche went out after the truck cut her off and she tried to slam on the brakes. But wait! She also told police that her assistant was driving the car, which her assistant later denied. But there’s more! A water bottle full of booze was also found in the trunk of that car, but fortunately for Lindsay, having an open container in the trunk isn’t a crime in California, so she was cleared of any wrongdoing on that count. But that’s not all! The producers of Liz & Dick, Lindsay’s latest Lifetime biopic in which she portrays Elizabeth Taylor, used the same kind of reason Lindsay herself should have used years ago and they hired a driver for her during for the rest of filming.
Jennifer Love Hewitt’s mother has passed away of cancer at 67. …now I’m sad. *shot* Okay, now I feel better.
According to TMZ, Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa Bryant are trying to work things out, after she filed for divorce, standing to make around $150 million in total assets, including three mansions. Most people I know have called Vanessa a brilliant golddigger, but I’m going to take Kobe’s side, since I’m sure he realized it’d be cheaper to stay with her while they were both fucking around than it will be to divorce her.
Céline Dion covered Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” during a recent Vegas show. Honestly, if Céline ever covered one of my songs, I’d just go ahead and retire, because it could never be sung better.
Snooki says she scared to breastfeed because a friend of hers said it’s “kind of like you’re a cow and you’re just milking.” …so many fat cow jokes to be made, so little time.
Justin Thoreaux claims he’s “the luckiest guy in the world” for dating Jennifer Aniston. I could totally hook him up with the cat lady down the street from me…only she’s not worth millions, so I don’t know how well they’d get along.