Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: John Travolta is being accused of trying to get some down-low dicking. TMZ reports that an unidentified male masseur is suing John after he reportedly showed up to massage the actor (I guess the bathhouse was closed that day), only to be groped and propositioned. The masseur allegedly told John he doesn’t have sex with his clients, to which John responded, “Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off!!!” That line was lifted verbatim from the legal papers, which leads me to wonder how excited John must have been for the accuser to indicate that it needed three exclamation marks. Other details from the lawsuit: John said that high-class people prefer gay sex, his penis is “roughly” eight inches long, his pubic hair is “wiry” and “unkempt,” and he made the masseur give him a compliment as he was jacking off. Sorry if you read that over lunch.
Rufus Wainwright told The Village Voice about the time he met Bea Arthur, saying he approached her at a party and told her, “I’m sorry to bother you, and I’m sure you hear this all the time, but I was going through a rough patch and Golden Girls brought me so much entertainment and comfort. It really helped me get through the bad spell. You’re so wonderful. You made me feel like you’re my grandmother.” Bea then leaned in and said to him, “I’m not your fucking grandmother,” thereby unknowingly delivering the most epic verbal smackdown in history.
Lindsay Lohan and Woody Allen were spotted leaving a restaurant in NYC together. This pairing makes less sense than Pat Robertson’s logic.
Matthew Fox (that one guy from Lost) was pulled over and charged with DUI in Bend, Oregon, where he lives with his family. So far, no mugshot has been released because the camera at the jailhouse was apparently broken, though he will be expected to return to the police station to have a formal mugshot taken, which completely ruins the allure of celebrity mugshots. They’re no fun when the celeb gets to go home and primp beforehand! We want to see them in all their hot mess glory: grimy hair, glassy eyes, dazed stare, and decked in a prison jumpsuit.
Someone should really point out what a sound investment a chauffeur would be to Amanda Bynes. After driving away after being stopped by police, getting a DUI, and being photographed backing over a curb, all within the past few weeks, she now stands accused of sideswiping another car. She apparently didn’t even realize she’d done it, and the guy she hit had to follow her while talking to the cops until they finally caught up to her. She wasn’t drunk during the incident, which leads me to believe she must just be really, really dumb.
Rihanna apparently upset SNL producers when she called in sick to the final dress rehearsal prior to her performances on the live show. The producers should have known to hold the rehearsals at an In-N-Out Burger and her stoner ass gladly would have shown up.
The Octomom is doing solo porn to support her 14 chirrens. Okay, who would pay to see the vagina of a woman that popped out 14 kids? That is some scary, morbid shit.